dreams and barbies

(i)

am not getting much sleep these days. a friend, working as a naturopathist - explained with dead certain eyes that in the final weeks of pregnancy your body tries to "train" you for the major sleep deprivation of the early stages of living with a newborn. i nodded on as she was saying this -- trying to figure out whether it did make any sense at all. "we are not aware of it" she added, very solemnly "but nature is much stronger than we are... do you know that, in case of natural labour, the time of your baby's birth will actually be about the same as the time he or she was actually conceived?" ... - right...- i kind of mumbled, looking a bit confused - that's a very fascinating theory. i guess... - with my eyes kind of dropping somewhere else. checking my hardly manicured hands in fact. with naturopathy suddenly giving way to other immortal reflections...

"blast. i am 32. i should really quit biting my nails".

anyway, wacky theories aside. these days my motto seems to be like that quote from r.e.m. ... "i do not sleep, i dream" - with every night becoming busier and more entertaining than the previous one.

"what do you dream about?" was one of my favourite conversation starters with my students - and, had i now to answer something like that i would list (taking inspiration just from the past two nights):

1. we got relocated to asmara, erithrea - where, for some extremely impractical reason my mother decided to join us to look for a house;

2. a friend from naples tried to involve me in a rather dodgy online betting and poker business. quite rightly...i did look very worried all throughout the dream;

3. i was on holiday in my favourite bay here in turkey, walking under the sun towards the pebble beach - when, to my shock - i realised i was not pregnant anymore. i had a bikini on, a lovely tan and a flat tummy. "fuck. i am not pregnant anymore!" i heard myself saying in disbelief - which may not be very lady-like...but is kind of credible, me being me...

4. i had to walk around town with a white rabbit under my arm. i had no clue about the purpose of the chore. he was quite chubby too!

(ii)

find it intriguing to compare turkish and non-turkish responses to the fact my second child will be a girl. european / italian / western friends all come up with comments like: "girls are one step ahead!" or "even when they are very little - they are so much smarter than boys!" or "girls are terrible! they get their way whenever they want" or "you will see how crafty and cheeky they are...they always get their way" or "they have a special gear girls, they do...boys are simple in comparison" --

which...if you notice...are all references to how (seemingly) girls are now portrayed as cunning, high-flying, manipulative and merciless little machines.

a family friend (mother to one teenage boy and one 10 year old girl) - phrased it even more bluntly "from the very start - you will realise girls are total bitches compared to boys" which i found a bit sad...really.

her remark kind of made me think it might be all down to mothers...at the end of the day. meaning, perhaps it is mothers who hope their female offsprings will show early signs of competitiveness, ambition, ruthlessness and (ok, there you go) bitchiness.

strange - if you ask me. since i am perhaps one of the few women left who actually admire men and believe some men have exceptional, outstanding qualities... i believe gender does not implicate any innate superiority or better temper -- and maybe there are other qualities to girls / women...like kindness, gentleness, elegance - that have been long lost in some odd race forcing females to elbow their way through things. with the "winning type" identified in the pack who shows off more heartlessness (a.k.a. - bitchiness). much to their mums' smugness.

tellingly - in turkey the common reaction to the news of the arrival of a baby girl is summed up in sentences like: "girls are so cuuuute!" or, more frequently "so nice. as a mum you will get to dress her like a doll. so much fun!".

sure - this kind of feedback is naive stock - and does say a lot about how "passive" and "barbie-like" women are still perceived (and kept) over here...

but i kind of find the first (westernised) reaction a tad worse than this one -- which, sure, does not stand out as deep. but sounds less scary, at least to me.

having said that - the genuine, almost juvenile enthusiasm surrounding "baby girls / dolls" over here still provides no alibi for the horrific turkish mania for unbelievable frou frou pink (pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink PINK PINK PINK) outfits forced upon innocent newborn girls...