some events in life seem to be socially and conventionally acknowledged as "major steps". getting married, graduating from university, getting a good job, having children - these could all be examples of changes in everyone's life that are perceived as "important" by family / friends and society in general. i find it very fascinating to observe closely how people react to others going through moments of this kind.quite often -- the manner some behave towards you when something important happens to you gives you ample measure of their true personality, their insecurities and, ultimately, their real feelings towards you. in addition, there is also a cultural factor that goes with the feedback you can receive to some "good news" coming your way and this factor is quite a relevant one if you consider turkey as the backdrop to the said happy news.
our baby girl was born less than one week ago - and i immediately informed family and friends, over the phone, via email etc + we came home from the hospital straight away -- much to the delight of friends, colleagues and neighbours here. the attention a new baby receives in turkey is overwhelming. news spread immediately and everyone seems to have the greatest urge to come and visit; to knit something for the baby; to wish and pray and bless. there is a lovely side to this and there is a very strange, stressful aspect to it too. namely -- people show up at your door, they expect to be entertained and hosted for a couple of hours, they are keen to be served tea and ask loads of questions. it does not matter if you are dead tired and sleep-deprived...a lot is expected from the new mother: you have to look overjoyed to see them (even if they pop by un-announced), you have to put the kettle on and dig out some treats for the guests, you have to sit down with them, beam and act super cool and polite. the hardest bit (at least for me) is the overload of advice people give you. if they are elderly women you have to accept to be patronised and looked down at and listen carefully to a list of things you are definitely doing wrong. from breastfeeding to nappies -- they all have a set of opinions they shove down your throat...and the best thing to do is... smiling and keeping veeeery silent. i must admit i find these dynamics utterly stressful - and surely consider these visits at home of the most invasive nature. the first few people that showed up literally terrified me and i can only thank sleep deprivation for making my mind numb enough to blag my way through all the small talk and the preaching about "what you should do".
comically, on day 2 - we were also introduced to a new practice.
the housekeeper from the block next door came by to ask "where are the pastries then? in turkey it is traditional to buy pastries for the whole neighbourhood when you have a new baby" to our cluelessness he impatiently added "give me 50 liras, i will call my friend and arrange it for you. meet me tomorrow at 5 pm and you will walk around door to door and give out the pastries". and of course we obeyed...! he sounded so bossy and conclusive that we could have not done any other way -- and the day after 5 kilos of baklavas went around the neighbourhood, including cafes, restaurants and shops.
anyway, this is just to say that a new baby / a new step in life is a big fuss in turkey. mainly as "the community" takes a massive interest in what god is blessing you with (they say). as i have already mentioned...there is a nice side to this and there is a rather unpleasant side to it too. the conclusion i have come to -- is that perhaps over here people do not have much happening in their OWN lives...and so they really dote on other people's happiness. and it does not matter if that implies behaving in a super-nosey fashion.
the reaction from friends and family back home or living in other countries is less predictable, more diverse. it is kind of funny to see how different people phrase different types of feedback. you get enthusiastic, ecstatic, over-the-top responses in the same measure as very cold, fake and uninterested ones.
however, the most interesting factor i have seemed to notice is how "western" friends tend to (directly or indirectly) read your happy news in terms of "success" and / or achievement, in a way... something that is fairly alien if seen from here, where people demand sweets and entertainment - basically wishing to share some of the excitement, of the emotion, of the unexpected novelty. maybe i am wrong -- but people back home seem to congratulate you (as if it was some bingo or lucky draw win) whereas here people cherish the event...for the mere sake of cherishing it and celebrating "something".
it is maybe just my own personal impression, sure... or -- come to think of it -- (and to put it down in very turkish terms!) the involvement of food might make all the difference...
and people with a stomach full of baklavas are more oblivious to any concept of "success in life"!
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