low season, alibis and lullabies

(i)

izmir is receiving a massive number of tourists these days and i keep on wondering why. every two days there is a cruise reaching the harbour here + eight to ten coaches of german visitors stop by every day. i find it odd. the weather is cold and temperamental; the city looks at its worst; there is no special event going on; there are hardly any memorable monuments around town.

i trust that the real attractions are offered by the tourists themselves, especially as most of them seem keen on walking about with peculiar outfits (hawaii meets frosty the snowman - sort of), looking aimlessly at tiny maps.

however - i was kind of thankful last night for this unexplicable wave of hapless low season visitors...for, as i was going out for my jog - a massive, humongous "costa" cruise ship was slowly leaving the main port. with all its bright, illuminated decks and lights...it just looked like the grandest thing. some kind of fellini-inspired hallucination venturing into the dark. plain fantastic.

(ii)
have read a couple of essays from "other colors" by orhan pamuk and must say i find his writing and his notes incredibly impressive. despite having been awarded the nobel prize for literature, pamuk is considered by his fellow nationals a controversial voice of contemporary turkey. mainly because of his novel "kars" - where he basically "opened a can of worms" by dealing with topics that are neither usually nor happily discussed by the average turk in the street (i.e. the kurdish issue; religion; the cultural and social gap existing between the east and west of turkey). i enjoy the format of the book (short essays + some short stories) - it makes it easier to read, more cutting in its views. seemingly, a good pick to understand better the contradictions of turkey today.

(iii)

am starting teaching again this week. starting with some private classes first...then planning to head back to school for a busier schedule. trying to figure out what is the best way to go about this -- basically trying to see exactly how it is best to get organised about going back to work. am in no rush to overdo things...yet, as my baby turns one month today...i kind of feel..."the earlier the better".

there are certainly many aspects that are rather stressful and logistically challenging about managing two very young children - but i would never want to end up "using" them as an alibi not to do things...or hide behind a sudden self-proclaimed vocation for motherhood. i sense that "doing more" as a woman, refusing "the easy, more comfortable way"especially here, in turkey, where most women show no interest in actually keeping a life after starting a family is even more crucial. also - i miss teaching. i miss the diversity it brings about. i miss stretching myself to adapt to different people / different expectations / different priorities. plus...i kind of need a schedule to keep focused - it does help with my very poor concentration skills.

otherwise easily swept off their feet by fellini-like boats cruising the gulf with all their bright lights!