ape shall never kill ape

preface 1)

the school i work with has an idiosyncratic / zero tolerance "no jeans" policy.

when they hired me they informed me that "you can wear jeans only on sunday...the other days please wear a skirt" - (which would sound a bit awkward / sexist / odd / you name it... pretty much anywhere else on the planet, wouldn't it?...)

made once the major mistake of turning up in jeans (under a dress, with heels) for a thursday evening class and that was considered a major act of reactionary defiance.

oddly - i later noticed that ALL teachers show up on sunday morning wearing jeans and converse shoes...

preface 2)

on tuesday morning i have a class with a group of ladies in their late 40s...

they are indeed the ultimate local equivalent of the type of women you see in "desperate housewives".

50% suburbia - 50% prone to social smugness.

which usually implies a tendency to overdisplays of louis vuitton bags; massive tom ford specs and the amount of expensive bling that could easily cover and light up the humongous christmas tree in times square.

preface 3)

i received a phone call yesterday telling me that today's class with the aforementioned bling ladies was cancelled and postponed to thursday.

fair enough - i thought... i will have more time to go outdoor for a good jog.

so, today (breezy, sunny, perfect weather)...off i went- quite happily dressed down in my tracksuit pants, gym shoes and worn out "bathing ape" t-shirt... a t-shirt with a silly japanese logo with three "baby milo" monkeys and the slogan APE SHALL NEVER KILL APE on it.

very grown up.

at 11.05 am, already in sweats and with my ipod blasting pet shop boys' "flamboyant" - i heard my mobile phone ringing and picked up.

it was the school secretary - agitated, screaming at the top of her lungs like somebody trying to escape a rapist, a deadly fire or hannibal lecter.

"where are youuuuuuuu??... your students heeeeeeeeeere?!!!!!?..."

taken aback to say the least i kind of mumbled "i thought ...the class was ...cancelled?". but i was told that the class was definitely on - that i was late AND expected to show up in 5 minutes.

i dashed to school, then picked up my register, rushed up the stairs and made my glorious entrance in what (like every tuesday) looked like a louis vuitton showroom.

"holy crap" i kind of thought to myself "i must look like an absolute pillock".

the faces receiving me kind of confirmed my suspicion - they seemed amused to say the least.

i was in sweats, looking flustered - with baby milo saying hello from my chest and the breathing ease of somebody trying to survive a violent asthma attack.

"you may kind of gather i was in the midst of doing something else" was my opening line - which put the bling crowd in an even better mood and had them laughing and elbowing each other for a couple of minutes.

then the conversation went on - with me trying to look as casual and relaxed as possible -

so, how is your pilates going?

sure, your acupuncturist sounds terrific

any plans for the summer? a cruise to portugal - wow...

organic shops round here? i wouldn't know, i am afraid

while instead deep down i kept on focusing on the annoying feeling my knickers were glued with sweats to my bottom.

not very suburban.

and - i am sure - not standing a chance to become any tom ford material any time soon.

comically, on the way out, as i was dropping my attendance papers at the office i jokingly said to the secretaries staring at my outfit "well, at least i am not wearing jeans, right??".

the sense of humour of which went rather unnoticed - with one of them stating:

"...no...but your hair...

your hair very veeeeeery nice today".